i haven't signed on in months. not remembering the password for sure, i typed in an ex's name. and voila. i'm in. of course.
again, reading back to what i've written months (and sometimes years) ago, i'm reminded of how little i've changed. AGAIN. i'm in this unwanted dating frenzy. multiple people: all on different levels of emotional investment, physical involvement, and time occupation. there's one in particular. he's probably number one in all three categories (more or less). and i can feel myself gradually moving in a direction i do not want to go in.
again, i'm very careful in my choosing. and somehow, i end up where i know i don't belong. no matter how careful i am.. no matter how carefully i think things through. i'm too chicken shit to follow-through with my gut feeling(s). how many relationships have i found myself in - out of guilt? do i not respect myself enough? don't i deserve to have what i want for myself? where is that line between reasonable compromise and self-sacrifice. what if your threshold for patience is higher than the average person: are you somehow selling yourself short?
